


Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

by Remy_Writes5



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Clubbing, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Flirting, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Nightmares, References to the Beatles, Running Away, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Summer, Teen Crush, Underage Drinking, sirius black is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:54:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remy_Writes5/pseuds/Remy_Writes5
Summary: Remus is forced to go stay with family friends, The Potters, for the summer while his parents are away. The same summer Sirius Black runs away from home and comes to stay with them as well.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Remus Lupin/Fabian Prewett, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 49
Kudos: 239





	1. Would you believe in a love at first sight?

Remus Lupin sat in the passenger seat of his mum’s secondhand Ford Fiesta as they lumbered around down a quiet country back road. He played with the strap of his rucksack and tried to focus on his breathing because when he focused on what else was going around him the panic started to rise again. His mum glanced over at him and patted his knee sympathetically.

“This will be good for you, Remus,” his mum said for what felt like the millionth time. She had The Beatles White Album playing through the speakers and Remus mouthed along to Blackbird, tapping his foot to the beat to distract himself.

_Take these broken wings and learn to fly._

It felt pertinent in some way. Hope Lupin was a sucker for the Beatles and could sing along to pretty much any song. It was a trait she had passed down to Remus. He’d grown up listening to the Beatles, singing along with his mum. She hummed along to the song, her honey blond hair up in a messy bun and whipping around her face from the open window beside her.

It was the beginning of summer and Remus was being forced to spend it with the Potters. They were old family friends, Mr. Potter and Remus’ dad having used to work together. He had met James a few times at the company Christmas party but they hadn’t seen each other in years. Remus wasn’t even sure if they’d still get on.

His most vivid memory of James was at the Christmas party when they were thirteen and James had put a bunch of soap in the eggnog until it bubbled up and made a huge mess all over the table. James and Remus had almost laughed themselves hoarse at the faces people had made when they’d gone for a drink. It had been the most fun Remus had ever had in his young life.

That had been three years ago and since then James’ father had retired, being quite a bit older than Remus’ father, so he hadn’t been at the Christmas parties. From what Remus had gleaned about the Potters, they had tried for a long time to have a child and hadn’t accomplished it until they were almost forty.

Remus’ parents were going back to Wales for the summer to take care of Lyall’s mum who was doing poorly. They didn’t want Remus to come along, insisting that he have a proper summer before going back to school. They didn’t want him to spend it hidden away at his gran’s cottage in Wales with no people his own age around.

So his mum had gotten this brilliant plan that Remus should stay with the Potters so that he could socialize with kids his own age. He didn’t have any friends at school so a vague acquaintance from his dad’s work was the best they could come up with. It meant Remus was stuck for the whole summer spending time with someone he hadn’t seen in three years with no escape.

Even though he knew James Potter was a laugh and he was probably going to have a good time, he couldn’t help spending the entire car ride in an anxiety puddle. It was so utterly embarrassing that his mum basically had to find him friends and organize playdates like he was six and not sixteen. It was so completely pathetic that Remus felt like he might dissolve, his body curling in on itself until there was nothing left.

Ob-La-Di, Oh-la-Da started to play and Remus’ mum sang along, nudging Remus until he joined in. When they got to one of the “bra’s” Hope took her hands off the wheel and spread them apart, giving them a little wiggle.

“Mum!” Remus said, laughing and feeling some of the tension ebb. “Hands on the wheel you absolute nutter!” There was a reason that Remus considered his mum his best friend – not that there was a lot of competition – but his mum had lived with his dad’s anxiety for twenty years and so knew how to deal with it. Honestly, the thing he was most worried about was being away from his mum. She was his port in a storm and he didn’t want to spend his entire summer away from the only person who knew how to make him feel better.

“Don’t call your mum a nutter, you ungrateful child!” Hope said with a grin. She grabbed her sunglasses from the cup holder and put them on her face. Remus smiled back at her, thinking once again just how cool his mum was. She just had a calming presence that Remus found reassuring.

They turned down a long driveway and pulled up to the house just as the screaming chords of Revolution began practically announcing their arrival to the Potters’. As his mum turned off the car, everything went eerily still and quiet. Remus almost wished she would keep the music going. Without it there was nothing to distract him from the feeling of dread sitting like lead in his stomach. With a resigned sigh, Remus got out of the car and slipped his rucksack over his shoulder.

“Hey,” his mum said, coming around the car and standing in front of Remus. “You’re going to be great, kiddo, you know that right?”

Remus forced a smile onto his face for his mum’s sake. “Of course,” he said, managing to keep his voice even. “And I’ll be glad to be rid of you.”

Hope chuckled and pushing up, pressing a kiss to Remus’ cheek. “You rotten child. It’s me who will be glad to be rid of you!”

Remus laughed softly. “I love you, mum.”

Hope pulled Remus into a hug and held him for a few good minutes. “I love you too. You’ll call me every night, won’t you?”

“Of course,” Remus said, smiling down at his mum. Even though Remus was taller than her, to him his mum was a giant, bigger than life.

The front door opened and James Potter came sprawling out of the house like a tornado. “Remus!” he said excitedly, rushing over to them. “You made it! Brilliant!”

Remus blinked a few times. He hadn’t thought him coming was exactly up for debate. “Hi James,” he said shyly, giving a little wave. He pulled away from his mum so he didn’t look completely uncool even though he immediately missed her reassuring warmth.

“Hope!” Mrs. Potter said, stepping out into the front garden. Remus took a moment to look at the Potter’s house. It was a huge house, at least three stories high, the outside brick so old that it had faded to an almost orange rust color. It looked like Mr. Darcy’s house or something, an old and vast estate. Remus suddenly felt like he’d be living his summer in a nineteenth century novel. “Welcome! Come inside and have a bit of lunch!”

Mrs. Potter ushered them inside and they sat and ate sandwiches that Mrs. Potter clearly had ready for them. Remus munched on his sandwich gladly and kept glancing over at James. He had changed quite a bit in the last three years, his body much more fit than it had been when he was thirteen. He was wearing an Arsenal football jersey that fit him snugly and a pair of running shorts that showed off his toned calves. He was handsome, Remus could admit that much, but James was just his friend. Remus knew better than to fall for straight boys. Besides, he would never make it through the summer if he went around having crushes on people.

Remus’ mum and Mrs. Potter chatted away and Remus was a little embarrassed when his mum informed Mrs. Potter of Remus’ anxiety medication. He knew it was important for Mrs. Potter to know but he was still mortified for James to hear it. If James was bothered he didn’t show it, just shoving some crisps into his face and grinning widely at Remus.

“James, why don’t you show Remus where he’ll be sleeping?” Mrs. Potter offered, frowning slightly at her son’s complete lack of manners. James wiped his greasy hands on his jersey and stood up.

“Come on, I’ll give you the full tour,” James said, giving a joking little bow. “My lord.” 

“Don’t be a nuisance, James,” Mrs. Potter said chidingly.

“Mother!” James said, standing up straight and folding his hands over his heart as if wounded. “I would never!”

Remus’ mum snorted in amusement at James’ antics.

“Go on then, you,” Mrs. Potter said, rolling up the morning newspaper and swatting at her son with it playfully.

James danced away and took Remus by the elbow, leading him away from the table. The Potter’s house was absolutely massive and Remus was more than certain he was bound to get lost in it at some point. He could only hope someone would come find him before he starved to death lost in one of their eight coat closets.

“Come on,” James said, tugging on Remus' sleeve as he continued the tour. “Do you play video games?”

“Uh, not really,” Remus confessed, following James into what he assumed was James’ bedroom. He had a bunch of posters – Arsenal, Reservoir Dogs, James Bond - a wall full of pictures of what looked like snapshots of James and his friends, and a large flat screen telly with three different gaming systems. Remus didn’t look too hard at the pictures, just the idea of them making his throat burn with jealousy that James seemed to have so many friends. Remus sat down on the edge of the bed and James sat down at his desk chair backwards.

“Well we’ll have to change that this summer,” James said, grabbing one of the Nintendo Switch controllers and tossing it to Remus. He booted it up and started a new game of Super Smash.

Remus had no idea what he was doing or who most of the characters were. He picked Pikachu and just started mashing buttons to try and get Pikachu to do anything. He found himself falling off the edge of the board more often than anyone else killing him. Although James was very good at killing him as well.

“Don’t worry, Remus, you’ll get it,” James said, laughing as Remus fell off the board yet again.

“I doubt it,” Remus grumbled under his breath. He sincerely hoped this wasn’t how they were planning to spend their entire summer. He had quite a few books in his rucksack that he wanted to read.

There came a knock at the door and Mrs. Potter stuck her head it. “Remus dear, your mum is just getting ready to head off. You best come say goodbye to her.”

Remus dropped his controller next to him on the bed and stood up. He followed Mrs. Potter back downstairs, thankful for the guide through the Potters’ house. His mum turned when she heard footsteps on the stairs and held out her arms. Remus folded himself into her embrace gladly and hugged her tight. His mum patted his back and pressed a kiss to Remus’ cheek. “You’re going to have a wonderful time, sweetheart. You’ll be good for the Potters’, won’t you?”

“Of course, mum,” Remus said, resting his cheek atop his mum’s curly head, just like his. He wanted nothing more than to get right back in the car and go with her to Wales but he knew she didn’t want the burden of having him around. So he would be a dutiful son and stay with the Potters and not complain. “Love you.”

“Love you more,” his mum said, pulling back and smiling up at him. She cupped his cheek in her hand. “Talk soon, yeah?”

Remus nodded and his mum pulled back, dropping her hand. She fished her keys out of her pocket and blew Remus a kiss. As she headed back out the front door Remus followed, standing in the doorway while his mum started up the car. He gave a little wave as she backed the car up and then disappeared down the driveway, leaving Remus behind.

***

Remus played video games for another hour with James until he got very tired of always losing. James showed Remus to the room he’d be staying in and then went back to it, switching to the Playstation. Remus dumped his rucksack out of the bed and began to put his stuff away in the closet and dresser. If he was going to be there for a few months he figured there was no reason to keep all his stuff crumpled in his rucksack.

He put The Beatles on shuffle, letting the music calm him without his mum there. Yesterday came on and Remus breathed deeply in time to the music and letting Paul’s vocals wash over him. He could almost hear his mum singing along. It was one of her favorites and he ignored the ache it caused in his chest.

Once all his stuff was away, he grabbed one of his books and settled onto the bed to read for a bit before dinner. It was nice to have a bit of peace and quiet for a while and just decompress. After a day of being around mostly strangers, his social anxiety was ramped up and all he wanted was to spend some time where he didn’t feel the need to speak or answer questions or have people in his face.

By the time dinner was ready, he felt a bit more prepared to deal with people. It was a nice dinner, Mrs. Potter having made a roast with mashed potatoes and carrots. Remus didn’t really speak much, just enjoying the boisterous and lively conversation that the Potters kept up. Every once in a while Mr. or Mrs. Potter would ask him a question that he would politely answer.

After dinner, James dragged Remus out for a late swim. Remus sat on the edge of the pool with his feet in the water while James swam laps. Remus was struck again by how surprisingly fit James was and how easily he seemed to glide through the water. Remus wondered idly if there was anything James wasn’t just instinctually good at. It didn’t seem like anything came hard to him and Remus couldn’t imagine what that must be like.

James stopped doing laps and came over, resting his elbows on the edge of the pool next to where Remus was sitting. “So what’s your deal, Remus?”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “My deal?”

James grinned and for a moment Remus thought he looked so much like the thirteen-year-old Remus had known. Young and boyish and ready to misbehave. “Yeah, what’s your deal? I haven’t seen you in like three years. Still getting into mischief?”

Remus chuckled and ducked his head down. If James knew just how entirely lame Remus really was he probably wouldn’t have been so anxious for Remus to come over for the summer. Remus found himself terrified of disappointing him. “That was your mischief, I was just along for the ride.”

James cocked his head to the side and studied Remus for a moment. “Anyone special in your life?”

“Special?”

James’ lips curled into a devious smirk. “You know, girlfriend? Boyfriend? Favorite wank sock? Someone special.”

Remus snorted and lay down, staring up at the sky. “Nope,” he said, resting his hand on his stomach. He felt it rise and fall as he took deep, even breaths. “No, no one special. What about you?”

James hoisted himself up over the side and came to rest down beside Remus. “So there’s this girl Lily…”

James proceeded to talk about his school crush for a good twenty minutes, going on about her red hair and her green eyes, the freckles all over the bridge of her nose and her slim shoulders. It was clear James was smitten but for whatever reason this Lily didn’t seem to give him the time of day. Remus smiled slightly, glancing over and watching James talk animatedly about Lily, his arms waving about as he regaled Remus of the last time he’d tried to ask her out before the term ended. He had gotten her a bouquet of lilies and put them on her bed in the dormitory. He’d received them back in a garbage bag, all cut to pieces.

“She sounds intense,” Remus said, his eyebrows practically to his hairline.

James laughed. “She’s wonderful. I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else as long as I live. Sometimes you just know, right?”

Remus sighed heavily and carded his fingers through his wet hair. “No idea, mate,” he confessed. At sixteen, Remus hadn’t even kissed anyone or held anyone’s hand. It was utterly pathetic but Remus wasn’t about to tell James all about that and let James in on just how much of a loser Remus was. “I’ve never really felt that way about anyone before. At least not anything more than a small crush.”

James sat up and stared down at Remus. “Whoa, are you telling me you’ve never even snogged anyone?”

Remus felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. “I mean…not…not as such. No. I’ve never snogged anyone.”

James’ jaw dropped. “That’s just unacceptable!” he said, shaking his head incredulously. Then his eyes light up like he’d just gotten a brilliant idea. “I’ll snog you if you want!”

Remus sat up and hung his head with his shoulders up by his ears. “That’s okay, James. It’s nice of you to offer but I’m good.”

James put his hand on Remus’ shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Well if you change your mind the offer still stands, Moony.”

“Moony?”

James laughed. “I’m an expert at coming up with nicknames. Remus is the name of the guy raised by wolves right? Wolves, moons, Moony. Clever, huh?”

Remus snorted. “Sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.” Remus reached forwards and splashed some water at James. James sputtered for a moment and then his eyes glinted with mischievousness. He dropped back into the water and dragged his hands through it, sending a tidal wave at Remus.

They kept the fighting up until both were fairly waterlogged so they called a truce. “Come on, let’s get out, I’m all pruney.”

James handed Remus a towel and they padded inside. It was nearly midnight and Remus was surprised his first day at the Potters’ had gone by so quickly. James let Remus take the first shower and Remus rinsed himself off quickly so that he didn’t keep James waiting for his own shower.

As he went back to his room, shocked beyond belief that he was able to find it without help, he dressed into a clean pair of pants and a sleep shirt. It was sweltering night, the air thick with the heat. The Potters had supplied him with a fan that helped circulate the air in the room. The noise of it was a dull hum that filled the large empty room that was nearly twice the size of Remus’ room back home.

Remus had never been good at sleeping at other people’s houses. It made him feel weird, like he was intruding in someone else’s life. Not that he’d been invited to many sleepovers in the past. But it was an unfamiliar feeling to sleep in a bed that wasn’t his. He found himself unable to fall asleep, staring at the ceiling and listening to the creaking of the large house settling.

Once it hit one o’clock in the morning, Remus gave up on the idea of sleep and found his way downstairs to the kitchen. He got himself a glass of water and sipped it slowly, feeling the cold water slide down his throat and ease the tension he felt. He figured it would be a few nights before he’d feel comfortable enough at the Potters’ to fall asleep at a decent hour. He stared out the window, watching the rain pinging against the glass. The rain did nothing to abate the heat that sat heavy in the air.

A loud banging on the door had Remus almost dropping his glass. He made sure to set it down quickly before he made a mess. His kept his footsteps light as he made his way to the front door. “James! Mrs. Potter! Mr. Potter! Is anyone awake? Hello!”

Remus blinked dumbly at the door, debating what to do. Whoever was at the door clearly knew the Potters but he wasn’t sure he should be letting strangers into the house at this hour. Besides, it wasn’t his house and he shouldn’t be answering the door anyway. He stood stock still, wracked with indecision, wondering if he should go get someone. It didn't seem right to wake up the Potters at that time of night but he couldn't leave them outside until morning. 

“Come on! Buggering fuck! It’s god damn raining! Someone please be fucking awake!”

Remus felt bad leaving whomever it was out in the rain. Before he could think better of it, Remus wrenched the door open and the figure turned with a phone pressed to their ear. There were a few bags by his feet and it looked like most of his life had been packed away.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asked, frowning at Remus.

That was when Remus first met Sirius Black.


	2. You've Got That Something

Remus vaguely recognized the guy from the pictures in James’ bedroom although he had no idea what his name was. All he did know was that the pictures hadn’t done him justice. Even with dried blood under his nose, red-rimmed eyes, and soaked to the bone the guy was an utter knockout. Remus found himself stumbling back to let him in out of the rain. The bloke grabbed his bags and hauled them inside. Remus felt a bit bad for not helping but he couldn’t get any of his parts to function properly.

“I’m Remus,” he said, recalling the question that had been lobbed at him before his mind had short-circuited with _want need yes please._ Sometimes being gay could be so bloody inconvenient like when gorgeous strangers turned up in the middle of the night. “I’m staying with the Potters for the summer while my parents are away.”

“I’m Sirius,” the guys said, wiping under his nose with his wet sleeve. “James is my best mate.”

“Nice to meet you,” Remus said, shutting the door as quietly as possible. “Uh, do you want me to go wake up James?”

“Nah, I’ll do it myself,” Sirius said, sliding his leather jacket off and shaking some of the water from it. He folded it over his arm and went upstairs towards James’ room. Remus followed him up but kept going back to his own room when they both reached the hallway. He paused for a moment at the door once Sirius slipped inside James’ darkened bedroom.

“Ah fuck!” James cried out. “Pads? What the hell are you doing here?”

“You miss me, Prongs?”

“You wanker! Why didn’t you call?”

“Surprise!”

Remus saw the light flick on, illuminating the crack under James’ door. “Holy shit, Pads, is that blood? What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

Remus thought this really wasn’t a conversation he should be privy to no matter how curious he was. He snuck into his own room and eased the door shut, not wanting to alert Sirius or James of just how long he’d been eavesdropping. He dropped down heavily onto his bed and listened to the rain outside.

He had no idea how long it took but eventually he was able to fall asleep, visions of gorgeous dark-haired guys in his head.

***

In the morning, Remus woke up to use the bathroom and found it occupied. Chewing his nails nervously, he waited for it to become free. He knew there were probably other bathrooms in the house but he wasn’t about to get lost looking for one. He’d probably end up pissing out a window or something.

He could hear the shower running, feeling the steam coming out from the crack under the door. It wasn’t doing much for the already humid air, adding to the feeling of sweltering heat. Remus pulled at the front of his shirt to get a bit of airflow against his skin. He could feel his cheeks getting flushed the longer he stood there.

Just when he was about to give up, the door opened to reveal the pale skin of Sirius Black, a towel slung low on his hips. Remus couldn’t help his gaze trailing up the expanse of skin on show. He also noticed the smattering of bruises on Sirius’ torso, blue and purple and clearly fresh.

“Hey new kid, I’m up here,” Sirius said, his eyebrow quirked in amusement. His dark hair was dripping down onto his chest and stomach, trails of water making their way through the V of Sirius’ hipbones and down to where Remus’ eyes did not want to go.

Remus swallowed thickly. “I have to use the toilet,” he said, suddenly having forgotten how to speak to people like a human.

Sirius chuckled and stepped aside. “There’s some lube in there behind the mirror if you need a quick wank.”

Remus tugged his fingers through his hair and carefully slipped past Sirius, being careful not to touch him. The moment the door was closed and locked he felt like he could breathe a bit easier, even though the steam still permeated the air, making it thick. Remus quickly did his business and resolutely did not think about having a wank.

He washed his hands and took the opportunity to splash some cold water on his face. He was not about to have a crush on the good-looking, mysterious boy who had shown up the night before. He knew next to nothing about Sirius Black and he felt it was better they kept it that way.

When he opened the door to the bathroom, he found Sirius leaning casually against the wall waiting for him. Remus froze for a moment, his hand still on the doorknob. There was something about Sirius that made him immediately nervous. He wasn’t sure but he thought he might have been intimidated by how gorgeous Sirius was. Remus wasn’t used to being around boys who made him instantaneously tongue-tied.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Sirius said with a smug smirk.

“Did you need something?” Remus asked, stepping aside in case Sirius needed to use the bathroom again.

Sirius shook his head, his wet hair curling slightly near the bottom where it rested against his thin shoulders. “Just curious is all.”

Remus felt a blush rise to his cheeks. “Um, about what?”

Sirius shrugged one shoulder in response noncommittally.

The door to James’ bedroom opened and the man himself stepped out with his usual easy grin. Remus felt himself relax slightly having James present. He didn’t think he could handle being alone with Sirius. “Morning gents! Sirius, the fuck are you doing standing in the hallway in just a towel?”

Sirius grinned. “Was waiting for you to be done in there so I could grab my shite. I wouldn’t want to see anything unseemly. I know you’re saving yourself for Evans.”

“Piss off,” James said, giving Sirius a playful shove. “You’ve seen me more naked than my own mum when she birthed me.”

“Yeah I had the same look of horror I bet she had when she saw her baby had come out a total wanker!”

The two continued play fighting, shoving and pinching at each other with no real malice behind it, flinging insults that neither of them seemed to take to heart. Remus felt a familiar pang of loneliness deep in his chest. He’d never had a friend that close before in his life – well except his mum – but that was too pathetic to think about. He’d never had friends his own age to just joke and laugh with. When he was younger he would read books like Lord of the Rings and wish he had a friend so loyal they would drop everything to go on an epic quest with him. Even though James seemed the type to go off on an adventure at the drop of a hat, their interactions had always been too brief to form any kind of real bond.

Remus was just about to go when James gave Sirius a shove and he stumbled back, stepping on the edge of his long towel and the whole thing came tumbling down. Remus was frozen against the wall, unable to move or look away. It was moments like these that he really regretted being bloody gay. Sirius’ cock wasn’t even that impressive in it’s flaccid state but Remus found his mouth watering just the same. He couldn’t help wondering what it would look like when it was fully erect and he really didn’t want to let that thought continue or else it would be very embarrassing.

Undeterred by his own nudity, Sirius pounced on James and they both went sprawling to the floor. Remus took the opportunity to slip away back into his own room and lock the door. He could still hear them fighting outside, Sirius yelling something about showing off the goods. Before he could think better of it, Remus shoved his hand into his pants and stroked himself to full hardness.

He bit his bottom lip to keep from making noise as he gathered up the precome at the head and slicked it over his cock. A little shudder of pleasure went through him. He was practically fucking his own fist, keeping it tight as his hips canted to meet the ring of his hand.

He was biting his lip so hard he was nearly breaking the skin. Instead he slapped his hand over his mouth to muffle any noises he made, the other hand tugging wantonly on his cock. He couldn’t stop thinking about Sirius, his pale skin, the curve of his arse, his bright pouty lips. He really was unfairly beautiful in an almost mythological creature kind of way. He seemed like he should be luring sailors to their death amongst the rocks or something equally as dangerous and forbidden. Remus barely knew him and already he could feel himself getting sucked into Sirius’ orbit, helpless and hopeless.

One more stroke and Remus was there, crashing against the rocky shoreline, a man doomed. He came hard, his thighs trembling, just barely able to catch most of it in his hand. “Remus!” James called out, knocking on the door. “Breakfast is ready!”

Remus practically jumped a foot in the air, guilt and shame over what he’d just done washing over him. He pulled his hand out of his pants and found a box of tissues by the bed. He hastily cleaned himself up as best he could and wished the bathroom were just a little bit closer.

He opened the door and peered out into the hallway. Thankfully James was gone, probably having gone down to breakfast, and Remus hurried towards the bathroom door. He was almost to it when the door opposite opened and Sirius stepped out. He was dressed at least, wearing a Ramones t-shirt and a pair of shorts. His long hair was pulled up into a bun with sunglasses sitting atop his head.

He looked Remus over, his eyes flickering as if gathering evidence. Remus felt like Sirius knew _exactly_ what he had just done in his bedroom. Sirius licked his lips and smiled before shoving his hands into his pockets and heading for the stairs. He whistled as he descended them. It took Remus a moment to place the tune as Dancing with Myself by Billy Idol. Mortified, Remus ducked into the bathroom and slammed the door shut. He swore he could hear Sirius’ laughter drifting back up the stairs.

***

It had been what Remus could only describe as the longest day of his young life so far and it was all Sirius Black’s fault. Breakfast had been nice, the five of them gathered together for a full English breakfast. It seemed like Mr. and Mrs. Potter had gone all out for Sirius’ unprompted arrival. Remus still had no idea what had happened, why Sirius had shown up in the middle of the night bleeding and bruised. He figured whatever happened wasn’t really his business and he knew the Potters would take good care of Sirius.

Besides, he felt like the best thing for him would be to stay as far away from Sirius as possible. He’d never felt this kind of attraction towards someone before, he’d had crushes sure, but this was the first time someone made him feel so fully overwhelmed with it. With all his other crushes there had been a certainty that nothing would ever happen between them because no one ever noticed Remus. But for the foreseeable future, Remus was going to be living in the same house as Sirius, and that felt too close for comfort. 

After breakfast, James’ parents went into town to get Sirius some things he’d forgotten and stack up on food now that they had an extra person to feed. Remus almost offered to go with them if it meant not being stuck with Sirius and James. But he didn’t want to make it obvious that he was avoiding Sirius or else Sirius might figure out _why_ and that just felt like too much.

It was going to be a very long summer.

James convinced them to go swimming and by the time Remus got down to the pool the other two were already there. James was swimming laps while Sirius was lounging in a deck chair, his sunglasses on, with his phone playing music that Remus vaguely recognized as The Clash. He had his hands behind his head, his legs crossed at the ankles, his foot tapping to the beat. He was the picture of ease while Remus felt the complete opposite.

Remus walked past him, trying his best not to look and failing miserably. He could only be thankful for his own sunglasses and hope Sirius didn’t notice. He sat on the edge of the pool with his feet in, dragging them back and forth through the water.

He had just noticed the shadow falling over the water before he felt hands at his back and he was being unceremoniously pushed into the water. Remus sputtered once he hit the surface, his sunglasses having flown off his face, and he spotted Sirius standing where he’d been sitting moments ago. He was laughing, his arms around his stomach as if he was about to burst. Remus glared at him and was about to threaten him when Sirius took a running start and jumped in as well, tucking his legs in towards his chest to make the biggest splash possible.

He popped up out of the water right by Remus, his sunglasses somehow still on his face, and a large grin curling his lips that Remus still really wanted to taste. “You’re an arsehole,” Remus said, splashing water at him.

Sirius chuckled and disappeared under the water. He resurfaced a moment later holding Remus’ sunglasses like a peace offering. “Don’t be angry, Moony, it’s all in good fun.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “James told you about that stupid nickname?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow in response. “Don’t tell Prongs you think it’s stupid. He takes great pride in the nicknames he comes up with for people.”

Remus took his sunglasses back and shoved them onto his face. “What’s your nickname then?” He was at a point where he could touch the bottom but it seemed like Sirius needed to tread water slightly. Remus felt a bit smug about it for whatever reason.

“Padfoot,” Sirius said, reaching out and placing his hand on Remus’ chest. Remus was about to protest until Sirius gently pushed him back and they both moved just in time to get out of James’ way. Remus pressed himself against side of the pool. He noticed Sirius was still touching him with his hands splayed over Remus’ chest. Remus wondered idly if Sirius could feel his heartbeat and the fact that it was elevated just from having Sirius touching him. 

“Padfoot and Prongs?” Remus said, snorting in disbelief. “You sound like an improv group.”

Sirius chuckled and took his hand back. Remus felt he could breathe a little easier with it gone. “We made them up when we were eleven,” he explained, putting his arms on the side, letting his feet kick out behind him. Remus was struck again by thinking of Sirius as some kind of siren.

Remus opened his mouth to respond but James spoke first. It appeared he had finished his laps and had come to join them. “Wanna play Marco Polo or something?”

Sirius shrugged. “Sure. You in, Moony?”

“Sure.”

***

Remus was halfway through Good Omens when his bedroom door opened and Sirius Black stepped through, shutting it after him. Remus hadn’t thought to lock the door because he hadn’t really thought he’d need to. The Potters had always knocked before entering so it had been a non-issue. Now he considered that a grave mistake because Sirius was in his room. Remus dropped the book onto his chest and pushed himself up onto his elbows.

After spending the day with him, Remus wouldn’t say he was _comfortable_ around Sirius, but he felt less worked up whenever Sirius was around. Immersion therapy. It felt easier when James was there as well but with it being just the two of them Remus felt the panic rising up his stomach to his chest like bile. It was like his body was on high alert because there was a hot guy present.

“Alright Moony?” Sirius asked, walking over and crawling into Remus’ bed.

“What are you doing here, Padfoot?” Remus hissed quietly, not wanting to disturb anyone. He knew it was well past midnight.

Sirius shrugged and settled in next to Remus. “Prongs snores and I don’t think I should be alone right now. I can’t sleep anyway.”

“Oh,” Remus said softly. The panic subsided as it was replaced with concern for Sirius. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not especially,” Sirius responded, picking at his black nail polish that was already a bit chipped.

“Okay,” Remus said, settling back down into the pillows. He picked his book back up and continued reading. He got about a paragraph further when he felt the weight of Sirius’ gaze on him. He turned his head to find Sirius staring. “What?”

“You’re just going to continue reading?” Sirius asked indignantly, his brows stitched together.

Remus laughed softly. “I’m sorry, am I supposed to entertain you?”

Sirius huffed in annoyance and shuffled closer, pressing himself against Remus with his head on his shoulder. “You could at least read out loud.”

Remus blinked a few times in utter terror at the fact that Sirius had gotten so close. He really needed to get a better handle on his crush before Sirius went around doing stuff like that. “I’m in the middle of the book, Pads.”

“I don’t care,” Sirius said, sighing heavily. “Just distract me.”

Remus bit back a groan at all the ideas his mind conjured up of just how he could distract Sirius. Instead he cleared his throat and began to read from where he’d left off. He got a few pages in when he heard Sirius’ breath even out and his body go heavy with sleep.

Remus continued to read, too pent up with frustration and nerves to think about sleeping. He finally passed out, the words blurring in front of his strained eyes, the book dropping from his hand onto the bed. He indulged himself a little, placing his arm over Sirius, holding him while he slept.


	3. Won't You Please, Please Help Me?

“We should go out tonight!”

Remus looked up from his book to find Sirius standing over him. Remus had been mostly avoiding him since that morning when they’d woken up curled around each other. Remus had managed to extract himself from Sirius’ long limbs and escape to the bathroom. He’d gotten into a cold shower to help himself calm down because sleeping next to Sirius had affected him more than he’d thought it would.

Since then he’d been doing his own thing while Sirius and James spent the day together playing FIFA in James’ room. Remus had gone for a walk by himself in town and found an old bookshop. He’d spent most of the afternoon in there, drooling over first editions and rare books. Most of the books were outside of his price range though, so he moved on. He saw a Now Hiring sign in front of the ice cream parlor and he stopped in to get an application.

When he got back to the Potters’, he found a quiet corner of the house and continued reading his book. That’s where Sirius eventually found him, dragging James behind him. “Go out where?” Remus asked, flicking his eyes back down to his book.

“I don’t know,” Sirius said with a shrug. “To like a club or something.”

“Not really my scene.”

“Oh, come on, Moony,” James said, stepping forward closer to Remus. “It’ll be a laugh.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at them. “I don’t have a fake ID anyway to get into a place like that.”

James looked over at Sirius. “Well Pads?”

Sirius rolled his eyes after a moment of staring James down. “Fine, I’ll call my guy. But I’m not going to all the trouble if he’s not actually going to come with us.”

“Then don’t bother,” Remus responded with a shrug. “I told you it’s not really my thing.”

In truth places like that sent Remus’ teeth on edge. It made his social anxiety scream being in crowded places like that. It would have been okay except that Sirius and James were practically strangers as well. It wasn’t as if he’d be going with people he felt comfortable with. James he was sort of getting to be friends with but Sirius was a whole other story. Remus wasn’t sure he’d ever feel fully comfortable with Sirius around considering the annoying crush he had on the bloke.

James sat down next to Remus, pushing his way into the chair Remus was currently sitting on. He ended up half on the chair and half on Remus’ lap. He threw his arm around Remus’ shoulders companionably and smiled that infectious grin of his. “Come on, you don’t want to stay here with my parents, do you? It’s summer and we’re young and dumb –“

“Speak for yourself, Prongs,” Sirius interjected with a wry smirk.

“And we’re supposed to go out and do reckless shite,” James continued on as if Sirius hadn’t spoken. “Don’t you want to live a little?”

Remus shifted minutely and his gaze landed on Sirius. Sirius was staring back at him, his hip jutted out, his arms crossed over his chest, casual and uncaring. Remus sighed heavily and scrubbed his hand down his face. “Fine, I’ll go but I’ll complain the whole time.”

James cheered triumphantly while Sirius snorted in amusement. Remus shoved James off him and he stumbled a little before getting to his feet. “Alright, I’ll talk to my guy then,” Sirius said, slipping his phone from his pocket and heading into the other room.

James watched him go with an amused grin on his face. “Don’t mind him,” he said, glancing over at Remus. “He likes you in his own way. I think by the end of the summer we’ll all be great friends.”

Remus couldn’t help thinking about waking up with Sirius in his arms, Sirius’ hand gripping Remus’ shirt as if clinging to him. His dark hair had spilled behind him on the pillow and Remus couldn’t help noticing there was a patch of it missing like someone had ripped some of it out. He still was a bit curious about the circumstances that had led to Sirius showing up two nights ago. But he knew they weren’t good enough friends yet for Sirius to divulge something like that. He wondered if Sirius had told James the truth that first night. He didn’t exactly take Sirius for the sharing type but James and Sirius seemed so close that maybe Sirius was honest with him.

Remus forced a smile onto his face. “I’d like that.”

James nodded once and then turned to go. “I’ll leave you to your book. You be all smart while you can. Tonight we’re going to do some dumb shit.”

***

Remus didn’t bother much on his appearance for going out that night. He wasn’t even sure he would even get into the club. After all, what were the chances Sirius’ contact would get him a fake ID that would actually work? Maybe he’d just have to turn around and come back home. He would almost consider that preferable but he was making an effort for James. James’ family had taken him in for the summer and the least he could do was go along with James’ crazy schemes. Besides, being around for James’ mischief had always been a laugh when they were younger and a part of Remus kind of wanted that back.

Sirius opened the door without knocking and Remus let out a squeak of surprise. He had just managed to slip into his skinny jeans but he hadn’t put a shirt on. If Sirius was affected by Remus being half-naked then he didn’t show it. “Hey Moony, you almost ready?”

Remus turned away and grabbed his white and blue striped t-shirt, slipping it over his head. “Sure,” he said with a passive shrug.

Sirius leaned against the doorframe and stared at him with his head cocked to the side. “Is that what you’re wearing?”

Remus glowered at him in annoyance. “Yes.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “It’s just kind of…ordinary, don’t you think?”

Remus shoved his beanie onto his head and forced back the urge to stick his tongue out at Sirius. “What does it matter?” Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and slouched slightly. “I’m not looking to pull.”

“There’s no harm in looking good, right?” Sirius asked, pushing off the wall and coming to stand in front of Remus. That was easy for him to say in a ripped sleeveless shirt that showed more skin than it covered with a pair of leather trousers that disappeared into his Doc Martens. “Do you want me to pick something out for you?”

Remus felt the corner of his mouth twitch up into a smirk. “Are you always such an unbelievable dickhead?”

“Mm I love it when you talk dirty to me.” Sirius teased, brushing his finger over his bottom lip.

Remus hated that a blush was rising to his cheeks. “Kind of just proving my point there, Pads.”

Sirius chuckled. “Oh Moony,” he said dramatically as if offended. “How can you be so mean to me when I brought you a present?” Sirius brought the fake ID out of his pocket and held it out for Remus. Remus took it and gave it a look. Not that he had a lot of knowledge of fake IDs but it looked pretty convincing to him. He was surprised someone could do it in just a few hours. “Aren’t you going to thank me?”

Remus let out a huff of exasperation. “Thank you.”

“Not really what I had in mind,” Sirius said with a cheeky wink. “I mean come on, Remus, we’ve already slept together.”

Remus choked a little at that. “Th-that’s not – “

Sirius laughed. “I’m just joking with you,” he said, punching Remus lightly on the arm. “Don’t get so worked up. I mean you could kiss me if you wanted…”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m good, thanks. I’d rather my first kiss not be some kind of joke.”

Sirius’ jaw dropped. “You’ve never even kissed anyone before?”

Remus shrugged and turned away. This topic of conversation had never come up in his sixteen years of living and now it had been brought up twice in one week. “What’s the big deal?”

“That settles it, I _have_ to kiss you then. This is a travesty!”

Remus whipped his head around and stared at Sirius incredulously. “What is it with you and James? Do you go around offering to kiss everyone who hasn’t done it yet or am I special?”

Sirius’ jaw dropped even lower. “Prongs offered to kiss you?”

Remus snorted in amusement. “Yeah, my first night here. As far as I recall he said the offer still stands as well.”

Sirius’ face lost it’s hint of mischievousness and went almost cloudy, his eyes darkening and his lips curling down into a frown. He opened his mouth to say something but the door opened again and James popped his head in. “You two ready yet?”

Sirius turned on his heel and headed towards the door. “Yeah, I’m ready. Apparently making an effort isn’t cool so Moony is wearing that.” Sirius gestured back at Remus before slipping through the door and disappearing. James grinned bemusedly and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Don’t mind him, he takes his appearance very seriously, no pun intended,” James explained with a small shrug. “The Uber will be here in like ten minutes so come downstairs when you’re ready.”

“Sounds good.”

Once he was alone again, Remus opened the closet door and looked at himself in the full-length mirror. He’d always been tall and skinny, awkward until last year when he’d filled out a little and grown into his six-foot frame. Sure, he looked a little plain in his jeans and t-shirt, his tawny curls sticking out of the front of his beanie, but he wasn’t going to change his outfit and let Sirius win. If he managed to pull in this outfit, which he wasn’t keeping his hopes up for, it would make the whole thing sweeter.

He shut the door and headed downstairs. Sirius and James were already downstairs waiting, Sirius sitting with his legs crossed, looking bored. James was pacing in front of the door, checking his phone every few steps. He eventually stopped and beamed widely. “They’re here!”

James rushed out the door while Sirius got slowly to his feet and followed after him. Remus went last, shutting the door behind him, and eventually finding himself crammed into the back of a sedan with James in the middle and Sirius on the other side. James and Sirius were laughing and joking with each other, James taking selfies of the two of them making stupid faces. Remus abhorred selfies but he couldn’t help feeling slightly left out. He kept telling himself it was stupid, Sirius and James were best friends so of course they’d want pictures of just the two of them. Probably more pictures for James’ wall in his bedroom. Even though he kept telling himself if was fine, something painful twisted in his gut, envious and cruel.

“Moony, get in here!” James said, catching Remus off guard as he put his arm around him and pulled him close. He passed the phone to Sirius so that the three of them fit in the frame and they took a few pictures. Remus couldn’t help grinning at the way James Potter could just effortlessly make someone feel included without drawing attention to it.

When they pulled up to the club, Remus could already feel his palms begin the sweat with nerves. He wasn’t sure what he wanted more – for the fake ID to work or for it to fail so he could go home. Either way, he was freaking the fuck out about it. He wiped his palms on his jeans and followed James and Sirius to the queue.

He was surprised when someone grabbed his hand. He glanced over to find Sirius lacing their fingers together. “Stop freaking out,” he murmured softly. “The key to pulling this off is to make it look like you don’t care if they let you in or not.”

Remus swallowed thickly around the lump in his throat. “I don’t think I can,” he whispered back, wiping the sweat from his brow. “I don’t know how.”

Sirius chuckled and reached his free hand up towards Remus. Before Remus could register what was happening, Sirius was tugging him down and soft lips were pressed against his own. Remus felt his eyes slowly close after the initial shock wore off. He knew if he was smart he would push Sirius away and chastise him for the kiss, but instead he tangled his free hand in Sirius’ hair and gave it a sharp tug. He felt a bit of pride when he heard Sirius gasp against his mouth.

After a moment, Sirius broke the kiss, grinning up at Remus. “Feel better?” he asked, looking awfully pleased with himself.

“What did you do that for?” Remus asked, sliding his fingers through Sirius’ soft black hair and then letting his hand drop.

Sirius shrugged. “Trying to distract you, I guess,” he said, licking his lips. “Also I wanted to do that before James did. We’ve always been competitive.”

Remus groaned and dropped Sirius hand. “Wanker,” he growled lowly, shoving his hands in his pockets so Sirius couldn’t get to them again.

“Don’t be angry,” Sirius said, reaching out for Remus but dropping his hand when Remus shot him a glare. “You seemed to be enjoying it.”

“I told you I didn’t want it to be a joke.”

Remus pressed his back against the wall and leaned against it, his shoulders hunched as they waited for the line to move. Sirius opened his mouth to say something more but James put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder and shook his head. Sirius seemed to think better of it and shut his mouth, turning his face away from the both of them.

Remus certainly wasn’t thinking about getting into the club anymore, all he could think about was stupid Sirius Black and how he would never be able to forget him now. Maybe that was selfishly what Sirius had been going for, make it so that Remus’ head was full of him. Since showing up at the Potters it was like Sirius was doing everything possible to envade every corner of Remus’ mind. Or maybe it just felt that way because Remus fancied him. Still, now there was no chance of Remus just calmly ignoring his crush. As far as first kisses went, it wasn’t what Remus had been expecting but it had been a nice kiss. Remus couldn’t really complain about it from that perspective but he was still angry that Sirius had stolen it. It felt like kissing Remus had had barely anything to actually do with Remus and had everything to do with Sirius being a selfish prick.

“Alright, Moony?” James asked, pulling Remus from his reverie. Remus nodded once in response and purposefully didn’t look over at Sirius.

It didn’t take long for them to get to the front of the line. Remus showed his ID with complete indifference and was allowed into the club. He supposed Sirius’ gambit had worked to distract him from his nerves. He had just wished Sirius had meant it a bit more.

Inside was madness, the club busy for a Saturday night, the dance floor crowded with a sea of bodies. To Remus it almost looked like a scene from a zombie movie where the zombies crawl all over each other to get to the humans. Remus was resolutely going to stay away from there.

“Our friends have a table over there!” James shouted into Remus’ ear over the music. He pointed to the direction they were going and led the way. They wormed through the bodies and finally got to the table in the corner. Remus sat down next to James and belated realized that Sirius was not with them. He glanced around and saw Sirius standing by the bar ordering drinks. He watched Sirius do a few shots and wondered why he was drinking so heavily and so fast.

Remus got introduced around to the rest of the group, Frank, Alice, Marlene, Dorcas, the Prewitt twins and Lily. It was so loud in the club that Remus couldn’t really keep up with the conversations. It seemed like people just talked to those in their immediate vicinity. James pulled Remus over to the bar to help get a round of drinks for everyone. Remus hadn’t really had anything to drink before so he went for a basic lager, not wanting to go for anything more complicated than that.

Sirius was still at the bar and he came over when he spotted them. James and Sirius had what looked like a pretty intense conversation but Remus couldn’t hear a word of it over the music. Eventually Sirius stomped away, looking more than a little upset, disappearing into the mob on the dance floor.

Remus wouldn’t exactly say he was having a good time. He found himself overwhelmed by the amount of people there and any time he found someone looking at him it would make his stomach tie itself into knots. He stayed close to James because it was the smallest amount of comfort allowed to him as they made their way back to the table.

Remus found himself keeping up a conversation with Frank and Alice, a nice couple who had gotten together the year before. They chatted about nothing in particular, books and TV and music. It was mostly Alice and Frank keeping the conversation going with Remus adding where he could.

Despite his best efforts, he kept looking out onto the dance floor in search of that dark head of hair. Every time he found himself seeking Sirius out he would chide himself for being so stupid. Sirius could take care of himself and he clearly didn’t want to spend time with his friends for whatever reason. Remus just hoped Sirius wasn’t staying away because of him. If Remus was going to cause a problem then he would happily leave. There was no point in both of them having a bad night.

Remus finished his drink and went off looking for Sirius to offer to leave. He knew Sirius might be upset after going to the trouble to get Remus the fake ID but he figured this way at least Sirius would get something he wanted. There was no point in Sirius being separated from his friends, while Remus sat around with people that were practically strangers, keeping Sirius away from them.

He couldn’t find Sirius on the dance floor so Remus went towards the toilets. It was early enough in the evening that the line for the gents wasn’t too bad and Remus got right in. Unfortunately there was no sign of Sirius inside so Remus left. He was starting to get a little worried, wondering just where Sirius had disappeared to. Maybe he had gone back to the tables to be with his group of friends?

Remus was about to head back down the corridor when he noticed the emergency exit was propped ajar. He shouldered it open and stepped out into the back alley. Immediately he heard heavy breathing and little moans. Embarrassed, Remus turned to go back in when his eyes fell on Sirius. He was pressed against the wall with a guy who looked to be in his mid-twenties kissing down his neck, his hands in Sirius’ trousers.

Normally Remus would have left them to it but something felt wrong. Sirius’ eyes looked glazed over and it made Remus’ heartbeat pick up. He crossed the distance between them and wrenched the guy away from Sirius. The guy stumbled back a few steps and looked surprised. “What the fuck?”

Sirius blinked his eyes a few times before they seemed to focus on Remus for a moment. “Moony?”

“Leave,” Remus snarled, shoving the guy away. He straightened up to his full height and noticed the other guy shrink in front of him. The guy quickly redid his trousers and rushed back into the club.

“What are you doing?” Sirius asked angrily, fixing his own trousers. “What I do is none of your business! You had no right – “

“What were you thinking?” Remus shouted, his hands curling into fists. He was so bloody angry at Sirius for being so reckless that he could barely see straight. He’d watched Sirius for most of the night, downing drink after drink, even getting fed a few shots from the guy who had just had his hands down Sirius’ trousers. There was no way he had a clear head.

Sirius worked his jaw for a moment. “The age of consent is sixteen, Remus, which I am. I don’t care that he was older.”

“That wasn’t the problem!” Remus said, walking over and grabbing Sirius by his stupid ripped shirt. “You’re fucking pissed. You’re in no condition to give consent right now.”

“I still fail to see how that’s your business,” Sirius said, shoving him away. “I’m not _yours_ , Remus and one little kiss doesn’t mean you get to stick your nose – “

“Fine,” Remus shot back. Sirius was purposefully missing the point. Remus wasn’t jealous that he had gone off with some random guy. Remus had known all along that Sirius wouldn’t have any trouble pulling if that’s what he wanted. But he couldn’t stand by and watch Sirius give himself to someone when he was in no state to do so. “Make as many fucking mistakes as you want. As you said, it’s none of my business. If you want to black out and get a handjob from some creep that’s your prerogative. I’m not going to stop you.”

“Good,” Sirius said, pushing off from the wall. “You have no idea what I want.”

“Correction – I don’t care what you want,” Remus sneered at him spitefully. He hated himself like this, pent up anger and aggression spilling out of him like venom. He couldn’t stop it. He hated Sirius and he wanted him so fucking bad that it made his chest ache with it. He had just been trying to help and all he’d gotten for his trouble was Sirius’ wrath. “It means nothing to me.”

“Perfect,” Sirius said dismissively. “Then stay out of my way in the future, yeah?”

“Sounds good to me,” Remus said coldly. He headed for the door only to have Sirius grab him and shove him against the nearest wall. Sirius moved closer but Remus grabbed his hair and yanked it hard. “Sirius, stop.”

Sirius growled, his eyes narrowed angrily at Remus. “You want me,” Sirius spat out. “I see the way you look at me. You can play it as innocent as you want but I know you want me.”

Remus sighed heavily. “Not like this, Sirius,” he said sadly. “I don’t want you like this.”

Sirius let go and stumbled back. The strands of his hair slipped through Remus’ fingers until no part of them was touching anymore. Sirius looked like he’d just been slapped, his eyes now wide and vacant. He slid down the wall and buried his face in his hands. Remus sat down across from him and quickly texted James to let him know where they were. They sat in silence, Remus looking up at the sky because he couldn’t look at Sirius, hugging his knees to his chest and resolutely not thinking about the boy falling apart across from him. He wouldn’t know how to fix it anyway.

He heard footsteps and then James was there, looking between the two of them. James tugged his fingers through his hair as he took in the sight before him. Remus could only imagine what an absolute mess they must have presented, both on the ground in the dirty alley, as far away from each other as they could get in the enclosed space. “Fuck.”


	4. Now I need a place to hide away

Remus had successfully avoided Sirius for two days since the disaster in the alley. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to face Sirius again considering what had happened. It seemed that Sirius was more than happy to be ignored and to ignore Remus in return. The Cold War had nothing on them. Mutually assured destruction indeed.

Remus had finished Good Omens and had moved onto Stardust. At the rate he was going he would be done with all ten books he had packed for the summer by the next weekend. If he wanted more he was going to have to get a job so he could afford it. He still hadn’t filled out the application for the ice cream place as of yet considering he had no work experience to write down. It was going to be a very sad CV even if he lied through most of it.

At least walking down to the shops to turn it in would kill an afternoon since he had nothing but free afternoons as of late. James had tried to include Remus in plans over the past two days but Remus had always declined. He wasn’t in the right mind to see Sirius anyway. He was still angry and hurt and upset with how things had gone down in the alley. Sirius had been drunk and Remus had done the right thing stopping him, or at least that’s what he kept telling himself. He couldn’t stop thinking about it and wondering if Sirius had been as far gone as Remus had thought. He probably just came off as a jealous prick that had stopped Sirius because he thought he had some claim to him.

Which wasn’t true at all. Even though Sirius had been Remus’ first kiss, Remus resolutely did not think Sirius was in any way _his._ They’d only met each other a few days ago and Sirius was clearly going through something. Remus still had no idea why Sirius was at the Potters’ to begin with or why he’d shown up in the middle of the night. It wasn’t as if Sirius was forthcoming with that information.

It was better that they stayed out of each other’s way. Remus had gone his whole life without friends. He didn’t need any now and certainly not ones as confusing as Sirius Black.

***

Remus sat up in surprise as his bedroom door swung open without preamble and Sirius came charging in. “For fuck’s sake!” he shouted, stomping his way over to Remus’ bed. “Don’t you listen to anything else besides the fucking Beatles?”

Remus blinked a few times, caught off guard by the fact that Sirius was actually speaking to him. “I don’t see why that’s any of your concern,” Remus said with derision, resting back against the pillows. Just to be obnoxious he turned up the volume on his phone and gave Sirius a pointed look.

“Because I can hear it through the fucking walls!” Sirius snapped at him. He reached for Remus’ phone but Remus pulled it away quickly. Sirius had moved to the room next to Remus’ because if anything the Potters were not short on rooms. Apparently the walls were a bit thin though.

“Stop!’ Remus yelled, shoving Sirius away as he went for the phone a second time. “Padfoot!”

“If I have to listen to Hey fucking Jude one more time I will kill myself but only after I find Paul and Ringo and take them with me!”

“Fine, I’ll put my fucking headphones on, you obnoxious prat!” Remus said, shoving Sirius away.

“Good,” Sirius said, getting to his feet. “You should learn to have better taste in music. Or at least learn what fucking variety means.”

Remus got out of bed and rummaged through his rucksack for his headphones. “For your information my mum loves the Beatles and listening to them makes me miss her less. Not that you care.”

“Oh,” Sirius said, the tension and malice leaving his body. Remus took some satisfaction on throwing that in Sirius’ face a knocking him down a peg. Sirius visibly relaxed and uncurled his fists from where he stood by the door. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Why would you?” Remus shrugged and continued fishing around until he dug up his headphones. He put them around his neck and plugged them into the jack. “That would mean actually speaking to me.”

“You’re the one who’s been ignoring me,” Sirius countered, staring at Remus accusingly. “You’ve been hiding out in here and won’t do anything with me or James.”

Remus sighed heavily and grabbed the job application off the nightstand. He slipped it into his book as a bookmark, figuring he’d fill it out at the store. “I don’t want to fight with you, Sirius. You told me to keep my nose out of your business so I am.”

Sirius swallowed hard, his throat bobbing. “Remus, I didn’t – “

“It’s fine,” Remus cut him off quickly. “I’m going for a walk into town. Have a good day, Sirius.” Remus strode past him without giving him another glance. Looking at Sirius always made something painful twist in Remus’ stomach anyway so he was better off avoiding it.

Sirius reached out and grabbed Remus’ arm. Remus whipped around and must have looked slightly murderous because Sirius quickly removed it and put his hands up in surrender. His mouth opened a closed a few times before he exhaled loudly and tugged his fingers through his hair. “I really am sorry, you know?”

“Yeah,” Remus answered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Me too.”

Remus gave Sirius a quick nod before putting his headphones over his ears and heading out of the room. As he walked into town he thought about the phone call he’d had with his mum the night before. He hadn’t felt comfortable telling her what had happened or the fact that he now had a fake ID. No matter how close they were he wasn’t going to divulge that kind of stuff or the fact that he’d been drinking underage.

But that meant he had no one to talk to about the whole Sirius thing. It wasn’t as if he could talk to James considering he was Sirius’ best friend. Not that Remus would have wanted to make James pick sides but it was hard not to discuss it with him. He wondered if James was as worried about Sirius as Remus was. He had to be, right? Sirius clearly wasn’t okay although Remus didn’t have much for a basis of comparison.

He knew that Sirius must have run away from home, that much seemed obvious, but he had no idea why. James and Sirius never discussed it in front of Remus and Remus didn’t want to pry. But it meant he had no idea what Sirius had been like before he’d left home. Was he always so reckless and impulsive? Were drunken handjobs in alleyways commonplace? Maybe stuff like that was only a big deal to Remus because he was so inexperienced.

Remus finally got to the ice cream parlor and took off his headphones, letting them rest around his neck. He walked up to the counter and was surprised to see a familiar face. “Hi, it’s Lily, isn’t it?” Remus asked, surprised to see the object of James’ affection. She had on a bright pink apron with the store’s logo on it – Honeydukes. Her bright red hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun.

“Yes!” Lily said, smiling kindly at him. “Your name is Remus, right?”

Remus nodded. “I was actually going to apply to work here for the summer. Do you think I could borrow a pen?”

“Sure,” Lily said, grabbing one off the register and holding it out to him. “Do you need help with that?”

Remus laughed softly. “Only if you’re good with creative writing,” he informed her honestly. “I have basically zero work experience.”

“Oh don’t worry about that,” Lily said, waving it off. “The owner, Rosemerta is really sweet. She’ll hire just about anybody. She knows younger kids are just looking for a bit extra money for the summer Since she’s only open for the summer anyway it works out. Everybody who works here is around our age and this is their first job.”

“That’s a relief,” Remus told her, beginning to fill out the top of the application with his basic information. “Books are expensive and I don’t have much money to get me through the summer.”

Lily perked up slightly at that. “You like to read? What are you reading now?”

“I just finished Good Omens and now I’m on Stardust. I’ve been on a bit of Neil Gaiman kick lately,” he told her, excited to find someone to talk to about his interests. James wasn’t exactly the literary type and Sirius…well that was just another question mark in the Sirius column. “What about you?”

“I’m reading Pride and Prejudice for like the sixth time,” Lily confessed, grabbing her bag and showing Remus her worn out copy. “I just love it so much. I reread it like twice a year.”

Remus chuckled. “It is really good. I mean the proposal scene?”

“My favorite!” Lily said excitedly, tucking a piece of hair that had come loose from her bun behind her ear. “I wish guys talked like they used to - telling girls they love them most ardently.”

Remus tugged on one of his curls. “Yeah, I know just what you mean.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “So you’re waiting for a gentleman to come and sweep you off your feet as well then?”

Remus blushed slightly and ducked his head down in embarrassment. “Isn’t everybody?”

“Not me!” A voice interrupted. Lily and Remus both turned to see Marlene walk over, tying her apron behind her back. “You two can keep all the gentleman for yourselves.”

“Awfully kind of you, Marls,” Lily said, rolling her eyes affectionately.

“Fuck, I forgot a hair-tie again,” Marlene said, blowing her wild curly blond hair off her face. “Lily?” Lily wordlessly pulled one off her wrist and handed it over. Marlene pulled her hair into a ponytail and grabbed a compact from her purse to look at it in the mirror. “Besides, Remus has already had someone sweep him off his feet.”

Lily glanced over at Remus curiously. “You have?”

“No I haven’t,” Remus said defensively, feeling his blush deepen. “Absolutely not.”

Marlene look unconvinced. “I saw the way you kept looking at Sirius the other night,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s not your fault. He’s like gay boy Kryptonite.”

Lily reached out and patted Remus on the hand. “It’s okay if you like him, just… I would be careful if I were you. Sirius is…complicated.”

Marlene grabbed a dark red lipstick out of her purse and began to apply it to her lips smoothly. “That’s an understatement. I mean it’s understandable with such a fucked up family but still. That boy’s got issues and that’s coming from someone who loves him dearly.”

Lily gave Remus’ hand a sympathetic squeeze. “Come on, let’s finish the application,” she said, changing the subject, for which Remus was very grateful. It was like she knew he didn’t want to talk about Sirius anymore. It took a while because Marlene kept chipping in from the sidelines but eventually they managed to get the application done. Lily took it and promised to give it to Rosemerta when she came in.

Remus would have loved to stay and hang around the shop all afternoon. Lily and Marlene were easy to talk to and Lily kept giving him free samples of different flavors to try. Lily had offered to let Remus borrow some books as long as she could borrow Stardust as soon as he was finished with it. He hadn’t clicked so well with someone since he’d gotten into town, except maybe with James. But Remus just had so much in common with Lily while he and James were polar opposites. But James was difficult not to like and he didn’t really get why Lily hadn’t gone for him yet.

He walked back to the Potters feeling a little bit better about things. It felt nice to have made some actual friends, not just people that were stuck with him for the summer. Not that he thought James considered him that, but it felt different befriending Lily than it had befriending James. He could only hope he would get the job at the ice cream parlor so that he could spend more time with her.

***

Remus’ insomnia was back with a vengeance and he couldn’t sleep no matter how hard he tried. He didn’t understand why this was happening, he’d had such a productive day and had even gotten quite a bit of walking in. He figured his body would be ready to crash from all the sun. Instead he stared at the ceiling, listening to Blackbird on repeat because he had his headphones on so Sirius couldn’t bitch about it. He had switched to his earbuds so that if he fell asleep and turned his head it wouldn’t be quite as awkward.

He heard a loud thump from the room next to him, knowing it was the room Sirius was in. He considered ignoring it but in the end his curiosity got the best of him. He took his earbuds out and wrapped them around his phone as he made his way down the hall, keeping his footsteps light as he went to the next room down. He could hear movement inside but he wasn’t sure if he should knock or not.

Considering Sirius had barged into Remus’ room before, Remus felt justified doing the same to him. He opened the door to find Sirius sitting up in the bed, the sheets bundled around his hips, his chest heaving with ragged breaths. Immediately Remus felt like he’d made a huge mistake entering the room. It was clear he was interrupting a very private moment, one that Sirius wouldn’t want an audience for. Before he could close the door without being noticed, Sirius’ head whipped around to stare at him. A blush rose to Remus’ cheeks in embarrassment at having got caught and he felt his mouth open and close a few times as he tried to think of something to say. Sirius was glaring at him and was clearly waiting for some kind of explanation.

“I…uh...sorry I heard a noise.”

Sirius sighed and dropped his head back, elongating his pale neck, his eyes sliding closed. He brought his hand up and touched his neck tenderly as if he could barely stand to be in his own skin. “Nightmare.”

“Oh,” Remus said, glancing away. This really wasn’t the time to be thinking about how gorgeous Sirius looked. The moonlight was streaming in through the window, making Sirius’ pale skin look almost ethereal, standing in stark contrast against his dark hair. “I was worried something might have happened.”

Sirius straightened up and pushed his hand into his hair. “’I’m fine.”

“Well that’s good,” Remus said lightly, feeling like Sirius was on a knife’s edge and the smallest thing might set him off. Or maybe it was more like a cliff and Sirius was on the verge of dropping into an unruly ocean. “Good night.”

Remus turned to go. “Moony.” Sirius’ voice was so soft, just barely cutting through the silence in the room. He turned back and saw Sirius staring at him once again. There was something about having those pale grey eyes trained on him that made Remus’ pulse quicken.

“Yeah Pads?”

Sirius pulled the covers aside in an obvious invitation. Remus swallowed around the thickness suddenly coating his throat. He feet stumbled a little under him as he made his way over to the bed. Settling in next to Sirius, he unwrapped his earbuds and put them back into his ears. He was surprised a moment later when Sirius stole one and put it in his own ear. He slid down on the bed and rested his head on Remus’ chest, his face buried in the crook of Remus’ neck, his breath warm little puffs against Remus’ skin. Remus could have been imagining things but he could have sworn he felt Sirius' lips press against his neck for just a moment. 

“It’s the Beatles,” Remus said, taking it off repeat. He knew Sirius could probably guess that but he didn’t really want to hear Sirius complaining about Remus’ song choice.

“I’ll allow it,” Sirius said, yawning softly. “Put on Yesterday.”

Remus chuckled and switched the song. His fingers slid through Sirius’ inky black hair, hoping to offer him some form of comfort. Between the warmth of Sirius sleeping against him and the usual soothing tones of the Beatles it didn’t take long before his eyes were sliding shut and sleep was pulling him under.

***

“Wake up you wankers!”

Remus jolted upright, disturbing Sirius who had been sleeping mostly on top of him. Sirius rolled to the side and groaned. “What the hell, Prongs? What time is it?”

“It’s already ten-thirty,” James answered, grabbing a pillow off the bed and throwing it at Sirius. “Mum and Dad are almost done with breakfast. Are you two just going to stay in here all day and cuddle?”

Remus rubbed his knuckles into his eyes. “We didn’t get to sleep until late last night.”

“Oh is that right?” James asked, winking cheekily.

“Get your head out of the gutter, Prongs,” Sirius said indifferently, pulling the covers off and getting up. He slid passed James and headed towards the bathroom, leaving just James and Remus alone.

“Alright, Moony?” James asked, looking slightly concerned. Remus wasn’t sure why James was so worried about him. It wasn’t like anything untoward had happened the night before. They’d just fallen asleep together. It didn’t seem like something to be fretting over in Remus’ opinion. But then James knew Sirius a lot better than Remus did. If he was concerned then he must have had a reason.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Remus said, pawing through the covers to find his phone. It had gotten lost in there somewhere during the night. “Why do you ask?”

James chewed his bottom lip for a moment as if debating what he was going to say next. “It’s just that you and Sirius were fighting pretty bad and now you’re having snuggle time? Padfoot is…well he’s not in the best place right now. I love him but he’s kind of all over, you know? Emotionally speaking. Just be careful okay? I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

Remus ducked his head down and gave a slight nod. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I really want to be his friend though.”

James walked over and gave Remus’ shoulder a slight squeeze. “You two are friends. Just give him time to settle.”

“Right.”

Remus really hoped James was right. He wasn’t sure how much more whiplash from Sirius he could take. Maybe despite everything they would find some semblance of balance as friends. Remus could only hope that would be the case. He would forget all about his stupid crush on Sirius and learn to appreciate him as a friend.

Sirius walked back in from using the bathroom and immediately started to strip. "Oh god, really Padfoot?" James said, putting his hand up to cover Sirius' bits from his vision. 

Sirius just grinned in response and fished out a clean pair of pants. He seemed completely unconcerned by his own nakedness. "What? It's my bedroom. If you two perverts don't want to see then you're free to get out." Sirius bent over to slid the pants up his thighs, giving Remus a magnificent view of Sirius' arse. Remus swallowed thickly, wishing he had the willpower to avert his gaze. Sirius was sweating slightly from the shared body heat of having Remus in his bed combined with the hot summer air. It made his skin take on a pleasing glistening. A bead of sweat dripped down his torso and into his belly button. Remus licked his lips and wondered what it would be like to taste Sirius, the salt of his skin. Instead he jumped out of the bed and decided he would use the bathroom while it was free. He locked the door and pressed his back up against it, trying his best to calm down. 

He was so utterly and completely fucked.


	5. Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy

Remus stepped into the door of Honeydukes and waved at Lily behind the counter. It was his first official day starting at the ice cream parlor and he was pretty excited even if meant getting out of the Potters’ house for a while. Things weren’t good between him and Sirius but they seemed to have settled slightly from their row at the club.

“Remus! Hi!” Lily said as he joined her behind the counter. “Rosmerta put me in charge of training you. Here’s your apron and yes that’s the only colour it comes in.”

Remus chuckled and unfolded the pastel pink apron. “That’s okay,” he said as he put it on and tied it. “Honestly I would wear anything if it means getting out of the house.”

Lily nodded in understanding. “I would feel the same way if I had to stay with James.”

Remus smirked. “It’s not exactly James that’s the problem seeing as he’s a little bit caught up on a certain redhead.”

Lily ducked her head and blushed almost the same colour as her hair. “He’s such a prat,” she said, trying and failing to keep the fondness out of her voice. “Honestly I don’t even understand why he’s so obsessed.”

Remus leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. “I listened to him wax poetic about you for a good twenty minutes the first night I stayed with him. He told me about the lily massacre where you cut up the flowers he sent you.”

Lily bit her lip to keep from laughing but it came out anyway. Her laughter was warm and bright almost like sunshine. “The girls helped me with that. We made an evening of it.”

Remus couldn’t help laughing as well even though it was at James’ expense. “That is one party I would have gladly gone to.”

Lily hip-checked him playfully. “Well the next time Potter does something stupid like that I’ll invite you to the destruction.”

Remus raised an eyebrow knowingly at her. “You know Elizabeth hated Mr. Darcy before she got to know him.”

Lily made a face at him. “This is nothing like that,” she said, waving the idea off as silly. “James isn’t misunderstood, he’s just an arsehole.”

Remus shrugged. He knew he shouldn’t pry into their private lives but he couldn’t help rooting for James just a little bit. “He’s been really nice to me since I’ve been living with him. He’s made me feel included and he even offered to kiss me when he found out I’d never done it before.”

“What?” Lily said incredulously, her jaw dropping just a bit. “Why would he do that?”

“Just being a good friend, I guess. I mean it’s a moot point now because Sirius already kissed me but – “

“Whoa,” Lily interjected, putting her hand up to halt him. “You cannot just breeze past a statement like that, Remus Lupin.”

Remus sighed. “We’re supposed to be talking about you and James.”

“Yeah but this is more interesting,” Lily said, putting her outstretched hand on Remus’ shoulder. “Spill it.”

Remus turned his face away, unable to look at her as he confessed about the kiss. But the truth was he was dying to tell someone about it and at least Lily knew Sirius. She might have a bit of insight into things that still had Remus going in loops. He recounted the events of the night at the club for her while Lily listened attentively. They stopped whenever a customer came in because Remus resolutely did not want anyone but Lily to hear the story. It got a bit annoying to have to keep stopping and starting but it couldn’t be helped.

By the time he got to the part of his story with the alleyway and the fight with Sirius, their shift was almost over. Lily listened patiently until he got to the end before she spoke up. “Well I think you were right to stop Sirius even if he doesn’t.”

“Thank you!”

“But also – “ Lily interrupted before Remus could gloat too much. “You boys are so dumb.”

Remus blanched a little at that. “What do you mean?”

Lily gave him a look with an eyebrow raised. “You two like each other, that’s obvious. Never mind that half the story you just told me was you drooling while describing him in impressive detail – like seriously how many times have you seen him naked? I’m starting to think he goes out of his way to be naked around you because he likes the attention. But you’re clearly into him.”

“Sure, I fancy him,” Remus said, shrugging one shoulder noncommittally. “He’s hot but his personality leaves a little to be desired. He’s a mess.”

Lily snorted and shook her head. “Remus, honestly. You’ve kissed the guy. Are you saying you wouldn’t again if he offered?”

Remus felt himself blushing furiously. It was unsettling just how badly he wanted to kiss Sirius. “Okay fine, maybe I would want to kiss him again. But that’s all just physical. I don’t have an emotional attachment to Sirius whatsoever.”

“You just told me he snuggles up to you like every night.”

Remus tugged anxiously on one of his curls. “I’m not in love with him.”

“Fine,” Lily said, shaking her head. “Maybe not but you definitely like him.”

Remus huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I can’t even stand to be in the same room with him for an extended period of time.”

“Because of the sexual tension?”

“No!”

Lily laughed again. “Well if you ever need to get away from the Potters you can always come over to my house. We can talk shit about stupid boys and eat a bunch of biscuits.”

Remus smiled and hip checked her playfully. “I’d like that. It would be nice to have somewhere else to go that isn’t the bookshop in town.”

“Oh my god that place is my sanctuary,” Lily said, grabbing Remus by the arm. “It’s like going to Valhalla.”

Remus chuckled and shook his head. “I’m happy to find another nerd in this town. I feel like everyone is so cool.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “You need to spend more time with our friends if you think _any_ of them are cool. But any time you want to save me from my awful sister I’d be down.”

“Is she bad?”

“She’s the worst,” Lily admitted, sighing heavily. “She hates me for whatever reason.”

“I’m sorry,” Remus said, giving her a pat on the back sympathetically. “Yeah, any time you need me I’ll be there.”

“Thanks,” Lily said, leaning into him.

“What’s going on here?”

Remus and Lily both looked up to find James and Sirius standing by the counter. Remus quickly dropped his hand from Lily’s back – not wanting James to get the wrong impression – and taking a step away. “Hi,” Remus said, caught off guard to see them there.

“Potter, Black,” Lily said, greeting them. “You know if you could come back in like ten minutes, that would be great.”

“Why?” James asked, squinting his eyes suspiciously. “So you two can kiss?”

“How is that your business, Potter?”

“I’m gay,” Remus said in confusion at the same time.

Sirius snorted in amusement and shook his head. “May I try the strawberry cheesecake, please?”

Remus stuck one of the pastel yellow spoons into the ice cream and brought it out for Sirius. Sirius winked at him as he took it from Remus’ hand, their fingers brushing during the hand off. What proceeded was Sirius licking the ice cream off the spoon in the dirtiest way possible, his tongue swirling around the ice cream. Remus let out a shaky breath and pretended it wasn’t affecting him.

“That’s a cute apron, Remus,” Sirius said, giving the ice cream another teasing look.

“Shut up,” Remus responded, tugging on one of his curls.

“I said come back in ten minutes because that’s when our shift is done,” Lily said, staring James down. “And the store will be closed.”

“Great!” James said, rubbing his hands together excitedly. “Maybe when your shift ends we could all hang out.”

“Not in a million years, Potter,” Lily said, shaking her head emphatically. “You’re not roping me into a double date.”

Remus immediately started coughing, having chocked on his own spit as he was swallowing. “What?” He very resolutely did not look over at Sirius, too embarrassed by what Lily was implying.

“That’s not what I was angling for,” James said defensively, glancing over at Sirius.

“Mmhmm,” Lily hummed skeptically. “Well Remus and I have plans.”

“We do?” Remus said in surprise before Lily gave him a meaningful look. “We do.”

James’ brow furrowed as he looked from Remus to Lily and back again. “And Sirius and I can’t be included in these plans?”

“Nope,” Lily said, popping the p.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want you there.”

“Come on, Prongs,” Sirius said, tugging on James’ arm. “We’re clearly not wanted.”

James pouted as Sirius pulled him out of the store. Remus watched them go and then blinked a few times before turning to look at Lily. “What the _fuck_ just happened?”

“James Potter tried to insert himself into my life yet again and Sirius Black gave you sex eyes while he fellated a spoon.”

Remus turned bright red as his cheeks heated up from the memory. “You noticed that, huh?”

“Bit hard to ignore even with James Potter being a prat in my face,” Lily said, undoing her apron and hanging it up on the hook.

“So what’s the plan?” Remus asked, undoing his own apron and hanging it up beside hers.

“Then plan is we lock up, close everything down for the day, and then I take you over to Marlene’s.

“What’s at Marlene’s?”

“Dorcas is there, who has four brothers, and knows how to cut hair,” Lily explained, grabbing the keys and locking the front door once it hit five o’clock. “Which you desperately need.”

Remus laughed. “Are you trying to give me a makeover, Lily?”

“Can’t hurt, right?” Lily said with a shrug. “New look for the summer?”

Remus shrugged. He’d never been that worried about his appearance. Maybe it had something to do with his lack of a social life but considering the only person he usually hung out with was his mum, it hadn’t really been a concern before. He supposed doing something new with his hair wouldn’t be all that bad. Besides, if anyone could make him look good it was probably Marlene and Lily. “Sure, let’s do it.”

***

Remus was ill prepared for what a night with Lily, Marlene and Dorcas would be like. The three of them moved like a whirlwind together, fussing over Remus and talking back and forth quicker than Remus could keep up. It was one thing when it had just been Lily and Marlene but throwing Docas into the mix made everything so much more intense.

They were in Marlene’s bathroom, Lily sitting on the toilet with the seat down, Remus in a chair that he been brought it, Dorcas standing behind him and Marlene sitting on the floor. While Dorcas cut his hair, Marlene was painting his nails an alarming neon yellow shade. It looked like he had highlighter on his nails but Marlene insisted it would look good once she was done.

Remus merely sat back and let them do what they wanted because honestly it was just nice to have people to spend time with. Lily was playing DJ and playing music while the other two worked.

“Any requests, Remus?” Lily asked as Wannabe by the Spice Girls was winding down.

“I mostly just listen to the Beatles,” he admitted with a slightly shrug.

“Oh nice!” Lily said, typing away quickly on her phone. A moment later Eight Days a Week began to play and Remus grinned at her in thanks. Everyone in the bathroom began to sing along, Remus tapping his toe. Lily clapped along, laughing, as she was the only one with her hands free to do so. Marlene was swaying side to side, her long blond hair a curtain behind her.

Remus watched as bits of his hair fell to the floor as Dorcas used the clippers against the side of his head. He’d never had a proper haircut before, his mum always cutting his hair for him when his curls got too unruly.

“You’ve got great hair,” Dorcas said as she ran her fingers through it.

“You really do,” Lily said, nodding encouragingly.

Remus blushed slightly under the praise. “Thanks,” he said, being careful not to duck his head down and hide no matter how much he might want to. He wasn’t wholly comfortable having so much attention focused on him and everyone was looking at him. Even though they were saying nice things about him it still made his insides clench.

“Oh man, I can see why Sirius is acting like such an idiot around you,” Marlene said, grinning knowingly up at Remus. “The curls, the freckles, the blushing. It’s a whole thing.”

“I don’t have a thing,” Remus said, blushing harder. He glanced over at Lily who was looking at him with an eyebrow raised. “Do I?”

Lily chuckled. “You have a thing,” she told him with a nod.

“That’s not bad, Remus,” Dorcas told him, massaging some gel through his curls to style them. “Everyone has a thing.”

“And yours is being a soft, cute gay boy,” Marlene told him with a wink. He could see why Marlene and Sirius were close, they both a certain energy about them. Chaotic is how he would probably describe them both. He was a bit glad that Sirius had been doing his own thing at the club. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to handle the two of them together in that environment. “Have you ever thought about getting something pierced? Maybe your ears or your tongue?”

“N-no,” Remus said, looking at Lily in alarm. He really hoped Marlene wasn’t about to bust out some needles.

“Leave him alone, Marls,” Lily chided, shaking her head. “We’re doing enough changes as is.”

“Not even an eyebrow piercing?” Marlene asked, pouting slightly. “You’d look so hot!”

“He’s going to look hot anyway with this haircut,” Dorcas said, tilting Remus’ head from side to side to make sure it was even. “Stand up, take a look!”

Remus stood up and looked at himself in the large mirror that covered the wall above the his and hers sinks. He turned from side to side, looking at himself. He didn’t feel he looked that much different but he definitely looked less like a kid about to get his class picture taken. He touched one of the curls that now rested against his forehead.

Lily walked over and put her arm around him, giving him a light squeeze. “You look fantastic!”

“You think so?” Remus asked, chewing on his bottom lip uncertainly.

“I know so,” Lily said with a decisive nod, beaming at him. “Now come on, I’m starving and I need snacks!” Lily grabbed Remus’ wrist and led him out of the bathroom. Marlene and Dorcas quickly cleaned up and then followed them downstairs to the kitchen.

***

It was nearly midnight when Remus walked home to the Potters’. He and Lily had walked together, holding hands and chatting about nothing in particular. Remus was eternally grateful that he had found a friend like Lily, who he felt had his back no matter what, even in the short time they’d known each other.

He’d walked her home first and then made his way the few blocks down to the Potters’. He was surprised to see a few of the lights were still on considering how late it was. He figured everyone would be asleep. Even taking into account Sirius’ trouble sleeping, there were too many lights on. He quickly fished his phone out from his jeans pocket and found he had a few text messages from James. He really hoped everyone wasn’t worried about him. After all, Lily had told James they had plans.

Remus stepped as quietly as he could through the front door and was immediately ambushed by James. “Where have you been? It’s midnight!”

“I was spending time with Lily,” Remus said in confusion. “You knew that.”

“Did she ask about me? What did you two talk about?” James asked, grabbing Remus’ arm and tugging him over to the sofa. It was then that he noticed Sirius sitting in the armchair in the corner, his leg thrown over one side casually. He glanced up from his phone for a moment but instead of his gaze going back down his eyes were kept trained on Remus. Remus felt himself blush under the scrutiny and remembered the girls’ earlier words about his “thing.”

“You didn’t come up all that often,” Remus said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“But I did come up?” James asked, his eyes big and hopeful behind his glasses.

“Well…” Remus said, unsure if he should share and break Lily’s confidence. Although it wasn’t anything that special. “I asked her why she disliked you so much.”

“And?”

“She said you were conceited and obnoxious and didn’t respect her,” Remus said with a slight shrug.

Sirius snorted from over in the corner. Remus risked glancing over at him and noticed Sirius’ attention was back on his phone. Remus almost sighed in relief.

“But I do!” James said with an indignant huff. “I respect the hell out of her!”

Remus smiled apologetically and patted James on the shoulder. “Clearly she doesn’t see it that way. Maybe you should back off and try just being her friend?”

“I don’t know how!” James said, distraught, tugging on his hair. “How can you be friends with someone you’re in love with?”

Remus found his eyes seeking out Sirius again without his permission. To his chagrin Sirius was looking back at him and their eyes met for a moment. Remus glanced away and cleared his throat. “I think being friends is a good foundation for something more. If you want to be something more with Lily then show her you want to be her friend first and _only_ her friend.”

James whined and slumped into the sofa. “Can you at least try to convince her to hang out with me? You can be there too. I just know if she spends some actual time with me then she’ll see how much I care about her!”

Remus gave James another pat and stood up. “I’ll see what I can do but I make no promises. If Lily says no then I’m not going to push it. But I’m really tired and I’m going to go to bed.”

Remus stepped around James and headed upstairs. The truth was he was drained from so much social interaction, first at the shop with all the customers and then being around Lily, Dorcas and Marlene. He couldn’t handle much more and he needed to decompress. He changed out of his work outfit and stripped down to his pants, putting on a sleep shirt.

He had just put his earbuds in when the door to his room opened and Sirius slipped inside. Remus sat up quickly and blinked at him, taking his earbuds out and waiting for an explanation. “Hi,” Sirius said softly. He pushed off the door and came to stand beside Remus’ bed.

“What do you want, Padfoot?” Remus asked, sighing heavily.

Remus’ eyes widened in surprise as Sirius swung his leg over Remus and straddled him on the bed. “I really want to kiss you.”

Remus swallowed thickly around the lump that formed in his throat. “So the haircut is really working for you, huh?” he managed to tease while trying his best not to stare at Sirius’ lips.

“You look good,” Sirius said, wrapping his hand around the nape of Remus’ neck and pressing the pads of his fingers down, making Remus shiver.

“Sirius – “

He was cut off by Sirius capturing his lips in an insistent kiss, his tongue sliding into Remus’ mouth and dominating it. Remus whimpered against the onslaught and put his arm around Sirius’ waist. He dropped down against the pillows, unable to keep himself upright anymore, and Sirius followed him down. Sirius’ hand slid from Remus’ nape to brush his fingers lightly over Remus’ neck.

Remus moaned and tangled his fingers in Sirius’ hair to help ground himself from all the overwhelming sensations. Sirius was too much. He was all encompassing. It felt so good having Sirius’ weight on top of him, holding him down as if keeping him from losing himself.

Remus broke the kiss to breathe, turning his face and gulping in air like a man just coming up from almost drowning. Sirius took the opportunity to kiss down Remus’ neck, the hint of teeth against his skin making Remus jerk off the bed in surprise. Sirius chuckled, the sound soft and sweet so close to Remus’ ear.

To his surprise, Sirius continued his quest downwards until he had slipped under the covers and was lying in between Remus’ legs. “Wh-what are you doing?” Remus asked, his head still fuzzy from the kissing. He kicked the sheets off to reveal Sirius with a downright filthy grin on his face.

“I would have thought that was obvious,” he joked, nuzzling his face against Remus’ half-hard cock. “Why, do you not want me to?”

“I – I – “ Remus stammered, his brain effectively having gone offline at the idea that Sirius Black was about to suck him off.

“It’s simple, Remus,” Sirius said, pushing Remus’ t-shirt up and pressing hot, wet kisses to his stomach. “You say yes and I give you head or you say no and I don’t. Just tell me what you want.”

Remus shut his eyes for a moment and tried to think through his lust-addled brain. He knew this was probably a terrible idea but he didn’t know if he had the willpower to turn down a blowjob – his first one of his young life – and from the guy he had an annoyingly huge crush on. “Y-yes,” he breathed out. “Please.”

He felt Sirius smile against his stomach as he hooked his thumbs into Remus’ pants and tugged them down. Remus’ cock was now fully hard, having gotten there just from the promise of a blowjob, and it slapped wetly against his stomach. He arched off the bed as Sirius licked a stripe up the underside. He fisted his hands in the sheets and watched in fascination as Sirius continued lapping at Remus’ cock. He was fairly certain he’d never be able to see Sirius eat anything ever again without getting an erection.

“Oh fuck!” Remus cried out, slapping a hand over his mouth to quiet himself before he woke up the entire house. Sirius had taken Remus into his mouth and given him a slow, torturous suck, his cheeks hollowed and his lips stretched around Remus’ cock.

Sirius looked unbearable smug even with a cock in his mouth like he knew how good he was at it. Remus couldn’t even refute that claim considering he was currently being taken apart by Sirius. He felt Sirius’ tongue wiggling against the underside of his dick and it twitched in Sirius’ mouth.

“Oh! Oh!” Remus gasped out against his hand, his eyes shutting tight as he tried not to blow his load too soon. It felt so good he wanted it to last but it was also way too wonderful for him to stave off his orgasm too long. Not to mention how unbelievably obscene Sirius looked with a cock in his mouth.

He risked glancing down again and saw Sirius had his hand between his own legs, wanking himself off in quick strokes. Just the idea that Sirius was _that_ turned on by sucking cock had Remus barreling towards the edge of orgasm. “Oh fuck!” Remus shouted, muffled by his hand, and came hard down Sirius’ throat. Sirius was clearly caught off guard because he choked a bit, some of Remus’ cum slipping out of the corners of his mouth. The sight of it made Remus’ dick give an exhausted twitch of interest.

Sirius pulled off Remus’ cock and wiped his mouth with the back of his free hand. Remus managed to grab Sirius by the bicep and tugged him up into another kiss. Remus wrapped his hand around Sirius’ and they wanked him together. Sirius groaned against Remus’ lips and spilled his release over their joined hands.

When he was finished, Sirius dropped heavily onto the bed next to Remus and grinned at him. “Fuck, that was good,” he said, stretching lazily with his arms over his head. “I always sleep better after an orgasm.” He grabbed a few tissues and cleaned himself up before vaulting off the bed.

“You don’t want to sleep in here tonight?” Remus asked, sitting up and watching Sirius head towards the door.

“Nah,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “I’ll sleep fine tonight. Thanks Moony!”

“You’re welcome,” Remus said, blinking a few times at Sirius’ retreating form. The door quietly clicked shut and Remus took a moment to get his breathing under control. He was well on his way to having a full blown panic attack. He pulled his pants up and stumbled out of bed, heading towards the bathroom. It felt so far away and his feet felt so unsure underneath him. The door slammed shut a bit harder than Remus had meant it to and it made him jolt in surprise.

Once inside he gripped the sink hard enough that his knuckles turned white as he tried to get himself under control. Had he done something wrong? Had he just ruined any chance he and Sirius had of becoming friends because he had selfishly wanted blowjob? He turned the taps on and splashed cold water in his face. The whole world felt like it had tilted on its axis and Remus felt like if he let go of the sink he would just never stop falling. He couldn’t believe he had done something so stupid and impulsive. He had known it would be a mistake but he’d done it anyway.

“Remus?” He heard a voice call through the door. It took him a moment to recognize it as James. “Are you okay?”

Remus couldn’t respond, his mouth permanently stuck to the roof of his mouth and refusing to come down. A moment later the bathroom door opened as in his haste he had forgotten to lock it. James took one look at him and immediately came over. He pried Remus’ hands off the sink and gently helped him down to the floor, sitting against the bathtub.

“Remus, what do you need? Tell me what you need.”

“My phone,” Remus said, looking around in a panic. He didn’t know where it was but he needed it. “I need my phone.”

“I’ll get it, okay? I’ll be right back.” James got to his feet and hurried out of the bathroom. Remus could hear shouting from down the hall but nothing they said registered. He rested his head back against the side of the bathtub and counted his breaths, trying to breathe as deeply as he could when his chest felt so constricted like this.

James appeared back in the doorway holding Remus’ phone. He put the earbuds into Remus’ ears and pressed play on Remus’ music. Across the Universe began to play and Remus let it sooth the ache inside him. At least until a moment later when Sirius stepped into the doorway and any sense of calm Remus had felt ratcheted back up to panic mode. He began to hyperventilate again as Sirius walked over and knelt beside him.

“Remus,” Sirius said, looking visibly upset as he took Remus’ hand in his and gave it a small squeeze. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Remus let out a shaky breath and let himself be pulled into Sirius’ embrace. Sirius gently rocked them, his hand rubbing up and down Remus’ back soothingly. Remus closed his eyes and buried his face in Sirius’ neck. The tension slowly was bleeding out of him and he noticed his face was wet. It was weird because he rarely cried during his panic attacks, usually too overcome for that kind of release, holding everything inside. He glanced up and saw a teardrop hanging off Sirius’ chin and it took him a moment to realize it was Sirius crying, not him.

Remus reached up and gently brushed the tears away. Sirius pulled back enough to be able to see Remus. For a long time they just looked at each other. Sirius’ eyes were shining from the tears and he looked beautiful. He kept his hand cupping Sirius’ cheek and after a while Sirius turned his face and pressed a tender kiss to the center of Remus’ palm. He closed his eyes for a moment and then pulled Remus into a tight hug. Remus went willingly, hugging Sirius back just as hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a nice, happy chapter about Remus making friends. I'm sorry, I don't know what happened! Idiot boys, that's what happened.


End file.
